Yowza.

I looked at the ticker on the top of this blog recently and realized that I have less than 100 days to go before Baby S #2 is born. Into the double digits.

A second pregnancy is totally different than the first. Of course I am thrilled and excited and can't wait to meet the baby. But I am less eager to get the show on the road so to speak. Perhaps it is that I know what is to come this time and are less dreamy-eyed about the whole process. Excruciating pain coupled with weeks of indignity afterward. Sleepless nights and nursing around the clock. Being housebound for weeks. Of course I say all of this tongue in cheek, I wouldn't have given up any of this because it gave us our Henry. But you still do think about it.

I am more afraid of having two children than anything else. How will I divide my time? Will Henry be upset? The old cliche of how will I love a second child as much as my first? How will I possibly get two babies onto the subway?

What will we do with Henry when I go into labor? You can't exactly schedule labor into a convenient, predictable time. What if it is before my mom gets here? What if we have to leave in the middle of the night, will Henry be scared when he wakes up? How can I sleep out of the house for two nights when I have never left him before? He has barely ever had a babysitter, let alone be left for hours on end without either one of us...How can I concentrate on giving birth and getting to know a new baby when I will be so worried about my first?

Just to let you know what a nut I am, I have actually contemplated using the birthing center at the hospital so that I don't have to stay afterward. And then I remember that you can't get an epidural there and quickly put that out of my mind. Apparently the thought of searing pain without drugs overrides my fears :)

Just wanted to share my current state of mind: Sheer panic.