Thursday, April 17, 2008

Crazy Lady.

There are times that I feel like I am losing my marbles, but then I remember that I live with a toddler.

I spend the majority of my day with a little person who only knows about twenty words, none of them particularly helpful. Try discerning basic needs using dog, ball, hi, night night, apple, door...Oh, he knows "no." That one is really helpful. He communicates the rest of his needs by grunting, pointing, crying, screaming, hitting, biting, throwing things and using the words da-da, ba-ba and ra-ra accenting different syllables. A toddler is completely self-centered (as they should be) and thinks seeing cause and effect is super funny.

I imagine it must be frustrating for Henry, but where is the sympathy for me (haha). You don't like what you are eating for dinner? Throw the entire plate on the floor. Mom is temporarily ignoring you to brush her teeth? Put the phone in the toilet. Or dump her water glass all over the coffee table. You wanted more orange juice and there is no more? Throw a five minute tantrum. She has the nerve to change your dirty diaper? Let her chase you around the apartment and then rake your fingernails down her neck when she tries to pick you up? That doesn't work? Pull her hair or hit her in the head with a blunt object.

Or, does it look like she has a free hand while cooking dinner? Repeatedly drag stool to sink and climb on it to play in the water while she is chopping onions. Of course she needs to hand onto you so you don't fall. Hang on her leg screaming Mama as she is trying to put something in hot oil or drain boiling water. Stand in front of the buzzer phone for the front door screaming until she picks you up to "talk" on it. She holds you there for three minutes, arms breaking? Demand five minutes or you start trashing the joint. She goes into the hallway to take out the garbage? Run down the hallway and bang on your elderly neighbor's door.

Today he bit me on the back of the leg because I didn't pour his milk fast enough. To give you the real scene, first he threw it on the floor because it wasn't "coffee milk." He won't drink milk anymore so I started adding chocolate syrup (the shame, I know). He thinks it is coffee (which he is dying to drink). I had to pretend to make coffee first and pretend to add it. Good thing he is so cute or it would be off to boarding school.

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